This is 40 - Getting Real
Well, here we are at the end of this little journey. I thought I should wrap up this series up by saying, THANK YOU x 1000 for reading, for your sweet comments, and for your kind words. I am in no way a beauty or health or fitness or any kind of blogger, but it has been fun to share my little successes and finds with you. I hope that I have made this milestone feel a little less "over the hill" and more climbing to the top. ha!
In summary: I feel great. I am truly happy. I am beyond thankful for where I stand today.
Because I think it's important to hear truth with all of the beautiful images and hyper positive attitudes we see on social media, I would feel unreal if I weren't honest. Of course everything isn't always perfect. Midway through this blog series I had an MRI which showed that my brain cavity, which is already enlarged and has a lot more fluid than normal, showed increase fluid. Since I am not having extreme headaches, my surgeon suggested that we continue to monitor it closely. If I were to have bad headaches or any other symptoms of the pressure, he would suggest having surgery to have a permanent shunt put in my brain to drain the fluid and relieve pressure. The fluid has been increasing gradually over time, which is not good, but without symptoms there is not much to do but watch and wait. I always think, when I go into an appointment, that with all of my exercising and eating well and not using toxins, that they will let me know that it has not increased or even better that it has decreased. This was not the case. It was the first time my overly cool as a cucumber doctor has ever seemed concerned.
Of course this was a gut buster when I am in the middle of talking about how amazing I feel. I wanted to quit writing the series, feeling a little bit fake for claiming all was so great, when in reality I was terrified of having another brain surgery. It's not a terrible surgery. But, any surgery into your brain has risks, or they would be doing it right now as a precaution.
As the days went on, the anxiety about it subsided and I realized that the scan cannot determine how I feel. Only I know how I feel and I can't live in a state of fear and anxiety. I do feel great!! Besides letting Tyler know if I have headaches, so he can monitor them, all is as well as it ever could be. I am hoping the fluid in the cavity doesn't continue to increase... or that it goes down. The do-er in me wants to eat better and workout harder and do whatever I can to make the fluid decrease, but this is a situation that I cannot control. There is nothing I can do to fix it, so I will ride this out and do my darndest to let go.
I am one lucky lady to have an amazing, super handsome, husband by my side; two precious, strong willed children; supportive parents and extended family; to have had my own business for 17 years; to be back in a city that I adore and gives me life. I have no complaints. All days are not without worries, but they are fewer and farther between. I can't ask more than that considering where I was 5 years ago.
xx jane